Worry about War

Q: My husband and I watch about an hour and a half of evening news every day. Most of the time my sons age 6 and 11 are in the room, too. Do you think they should not watch the news because of all the talk about war? My six year old has become more defiant and aggressive, and doesn't want to go to bed, and the eleven year old son seems to be more angry, and complains about stomach aches and headaches and doesn't want to go to school because he is "afraid of being away from home". They never talk to me about the possibility of war, but I wonder if they are being affected by all the news about war.

A: The symptoms you described are classic of children who are affected by images and talk about war. It's scary, and children sometimes think that if they don't talk about it, it won't happen. They may see other children on the news who are being affected by war. And recently there have been stories about families who have one or both parents in the military saying goodbye. Younger children may wonder if their parents are going to leave, also. Older children may struggle with the different opinions involving war, and what should be done about them.

Here are some ideas about talking to your children about war.

· Listen and talk to your children. Let your children know this is a topic they can talk with you about. Ask questions that direct your conversation so you can get a feeling for their thoughts and concerns. Then you can clarify some of the confusion, or comfort some of the worries.
· Avoid talking about "enemies". It is more helpful to talk about "harmful or bad actions" than about "evil or bad people". This helps children to avoid broad stereotypes about those involved in a war.
· Stories and art work can help children express themselves. Sometimes it is easier to talk about "someone else" instead of their own feelings.
· Reassure your children of their safety. Explain how you as a parent will keep them safe. However, don't ignore the terrible things related to war. Children care about people in their own country, as well as people in the country where the war is happening.
· You know best how your children react to the news, so if you see their anxiety level rising, turn off the TV.
· Keep your schedule as normal as possible. If children see you getting your "terror kits" ready, they will respond with more fear.
· And make sure they still have time to do "kid things"-watching cartoons, having fun and playing.

If you have concerns about your children, contact your school guidance counselor or family physician for a referral to an experienced family counselor.

You and your children are not alone in this stressful reaction to war, or the possibility of war. This is a good opportunity to become closer as a family.

Thanks for your question, and best regards to you.

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