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Am I A Control Freak?

Q:Everyone tells me I am a control freak. But I think I am working at being a responsible person. I work hard to be successful, and I believe that I can make good things happen if I try hard enough. How do I know if I am a control freak? And so what if I am?

A:Are you happy, and can you take time to relax and enjoy the little things in life? Or do you feel that if you are not always vigilant and in charge that something awful will happen?

There is a difference between being responsible, and being in control. When things go wrong, if you feel a strong need to blame either yourself or others, that is an indicator of being too controlling.

Control issues include positive habits, like wearing your seat belt, having safe sex, being successful (and recognized for successfulness) at work, healthy habits. But the downside is also taking responsibility for everything that goes wrong, even when it is not your fault. This kind of thinking leads to feelings of impatience, which can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke. If you feel that every success you experience is because of your hard work only, and that every set back is always your fault because somehow you should have managed to avoid it, you may experience anxiety that will eventually affect your health.

When you travel by car, are you comfortable when you are NOT in the driver's seat? Or do you become impatient and judgmental?

Try this. The next time something goes wrong, ask yourself if you really had control over the situation. If the answer is no, that the weather, accident, computer error isn't your fault, take a deep breath and relax enough to be able to start looking for realistic ways to make the situation manageable. Can you tell yourself that maybe it's not your fault? If you can't do that, then maybe you do have control issues.

It's healthy to take charge and manage your life. But keep yourself balanced. Remember, this is life. If it were perfect, it would be heaven or some kind of paradise!

Next time we'll discuss the opposite end of the continuum: being too passive and laid back.

Please let me know if you would like to discuss your issues further.

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