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My Boyfriend Doesn't Trust Me

Q: My boyfriend doesn't trust me. It seems like he always has a reason about why a friend interferes with our relationship and is suspicious of my relationship with them. I have given up seeing most of my friends to prove to him that he has nothing to worry about with me, because now I don't do anything with anyone. I have a male friend at work, "Jack", a coworker who my boyfriend is always accusing me of being close with. My boyfriend thinks we have lunch together, or date after work, although we don't. He always brings up "Jack", and questions me about what we do. Working with "Jack" is causing so much trouble in our relationship, that I am considering quitting my job so that "Jack" won't be an issue we argue about. But it doesn't seem right that I should quit my job, which I enjoy. What should I do?

A: If you quit your job so you don't have contact with "Jack", there will be someone else who becomes the "problem" for your boyfriend. Even if you restructure your life to avoid friendships and relationships with anyone, your boyfriend will be sure there is someone, somewhere you are having a relationship with. The problem isn't "Jack". The problem is your insecure boyfriend. And the problem is that you are letting him control your life with his insecurities.

Ask yourself: Is this how I want to live? Does the relationship with my boyfriend make me happy and is it worth living under suspicion all the time?

It sounds like if you continue this relationship, you will become more isolated and allow this man to control you completely.

And that's certainly not love.

I hope you make a healthy choice. Please let me know if you would like to pursue counseling.

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